Metanoia

My blog posts have been getting less as the time goes by, possibly because I may be making steps forward but also because i dont want to keep repeating the same things over and over in every post.

These past couple days, I have been talking to different people, both in person as well as online.. some are friends, family and others are new encounters ... The most interesting person i have encountered recently is this guy called Bob. 

Bob is a 58 year old man who had some great insights to share with me about his life. He is married and been through several different trials in his life and manages to be able to give advice in a format that is somewhat easy to receive... I guess somehow at this stage of my breakup or in my life as well, i find it very helpful to listen to what people of the older generation have to offer in terms of advice and guidance.

Bob had different things to talk about, but as i unfolded my story to him after a bit of conversation he had something to tell me that somewhat resonated within me. "It is a Metanoia" he said.

I had never encountered this term before nor ever heard of it, so i quickly googled it and what i found was very fascinating as well as a suitable description of what I am going through. 

"Metanoia indicates a spontaneous attempt of the psyche to heal itself of unbearable conflict by melting down and then being reborn in a more adaptive form".

I cant help but think that what i am going through now is a form of Metanoia. It is a process of me completely breaking down and then rebuilding myself into something better. There is long research and explanation of the term Metanoia, but I can only describe it as a phoenix burning down and then rising from the ashes.

The process that i have gone through this far has been painful beyond explanation, and i also feel as though it has been enlightening beyond words as well.

I dont think that there is any other way i could learn lessons that i am faced with right now in such a short timeframe. This learning process is harsh and hard and rough.... But it is also fast and deep. The past 6  weeks have been one of the longest 6 weeks of my life, but it has also been packed with the deepest emotions and has imprinted on my memory with permanence. 

I still feel i have lots of emotional hurdles ahead of me, as i know i have not completely moved on yet. In fact i am still at the tiny beginning stages right now. I still dream of kevin and want to marry him. There is a long journey ahead. But if this is a Metanoia, there is a rebirth, a reparation and a restoration that still lies ahead.